she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
