oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
