I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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