Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
