Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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