She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
