Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
