At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
