I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
