That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
