I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
