Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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