At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
