margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
