I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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