i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
