These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
