No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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