omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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