This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
