Ambien. No doubt about it.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
