Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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