my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
