I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
