I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
