Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
