I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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