How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
