I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
