ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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