I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
