clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
