i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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