Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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