STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
