my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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