pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
