yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
There's a naked man in my car right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
