kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
did i just pee glitter
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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