Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
