I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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