So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Let's paint friendship bongs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
