put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
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