glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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