If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
