Sry I called you an 8
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
