Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
