First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
