Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Randomize
