I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
