Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
