I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
