If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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