..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
