why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
