.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
