Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
