Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
