I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
This girl is more easily done than said...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
