Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
