It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
