Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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