i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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