There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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