Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
