the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
