I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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