Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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